Friday, August 26, 2011

This Is What An Earthquake Is You Guys

This guy knows - he's been in two. Unfortunately no fantasy sportscasters were harmed in the quake.

Is fantasy sportscaster really a thing?? I can't be bothered to Google it.

More importantly, I'm losing my faith in pop culture's insistence that jocks peak in high school before leading the depressing and unfulfilling lives of pathetic has-beens. WTF GLEE & MURIEL'S WEDDING???



Awful Announcing 

@Regretsy Asked Twitter Why Etsy Was Down...

...LULZ were had:









BuzzFeed

WTF: Most Appropriately Titled Song Ever


I don't think my media professors who championed the interweb as the vehicle for the democratisation of western culture really thought through what that was going to look like, exactly.

Well here it is, pointy heads. Enjoy:


Had enough? Didn't think so - check this talented citizen:


IN UR FACE HEGEMONY!!! Who needs "the music industry" to validate "talent" when we have YouTube?!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Verbal Vogueing


This guy is going to be my new best friend, but the kind of best friend who finds me annoying and is kind of nasty to me, but in a super funny way that makes me clap and laugh hysterically at the same time.



Thanks +Lindz xx

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Painting the Town Pony






Amazing anonymous Québécoise gracefully bounds "like a gazelle" through streets at midnight chucking ponies over power lines to bring happiness to fellow citizens. 


*Pony Salute*


BONUS TIL: a female brony is a pegasister.


TDW

Christboarding


Now he's got a Vans sponsorship I think I'm ready to accept Christ as my one true saviour.



BuzzFeed

Camille - Ta Douleur

#SUNDAYTUNEZ

Friday, August 19, 2011

Barney's Video Resume x Craigslist




YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT.


$1000 Best. Roommate. Ever.
Date: 2011-08-18, 3:39PM PDT
Reply to: hous-ughzv-2549849730@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.
Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.
A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.
I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesday's with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!
Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!
A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?
I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you shit already!
Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.
  • cats are OK - purrr
  • dogs are OK - wooof
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2549849730

BuzzFeed

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

FFS: Another 3rd Party Social App Called Me Racist

First Socioclean called me out over this damningly bigoted Facebook update:

"free chips + kaffir lime margarita = delicious dinner fail"




And now Klout has this to say:


I immediately scoured my feed for any mentions of wanky mixed drinks which contain terms that could be considered racist in apartheid-era Johannesburg, but could only find these potential racial red flags:

BABY MONKEY RIDING BACKWARDS ON A PIG NEWS UPDATE

OMG you guys it's a BMRBOAP tribute art video!!!!! And an iPhone game to add to your BMRBOAP ringtone!!! (Mine lives next to my Antoine Dodson Audio Quotes app!! LULZ!!)



Thanks Pip for the BMRBOAP heads up. Via Boing Boing.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Fred Nile Headlines of Note


Geriatric Senator Fred Nile has the balance of power and is at his unbalanced best, kicking off his blitzkrieg of bicameral terror with the thought provoking argument that ethics is the gateway lesson of totalitarianism.

Exhibit A: these brainwashed 11 year olds-

Ed Hardy's New Minimalist Aesthetic


imgur via The Thousands

EDITED: to complete the outfit:


imgur

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Shark Week Late Memo

This just in: SHARK BEBE SLEEPING BAG-ATTACK:



Buzzfeed

Shark Week News Bulletin

Shark Jumper:



HuffPo

Ankle Biter:



via Everyday Eri

I'm A Stupid Cat

Cats and Holly Madison teach us the valuable life lesson that you can be dumb as a box of hammers as long as you're cute as a button.



The Awesomer