Friday, April 22, 2011

Oscar



Tastefully Offensive

WILF Fanfic Muse of the Day




Naughty naughty, Mr Weasley, wait until Professor Snape gets his hands on you.

I'm going to need a minute...

Previously / Buzzfeed

Melbournians Say The Darndest Things



I would chuckle, but I'm scared a Melbourne reader will scorn me in the comments and point out that Magnets are a neo-indie-minimalist-scream-rock band who I am too much of a philistine to have ever heard of.

So I'll just say it's cute.

Tosh.0

Socioclean is an Idiot

Socioclean claims to help you protect your online reputation by scanning your profile (status updates, wall posts, groups and photo captions and comments) and alert you to all the naughtiness you've accumulated over the years.

I expected to do relatively badly but this is ridiculous!! CODE RED, PEOPLE!!!



And what are the areas I need to work on?? Sex, drugs, alcohol, profanity and RACISM?? WTF? WTFFFF? I've been called a messy, sweary whore too many times for it to have any impact (and that's just by my mum), but I'm pretty sure I've never been called a racist. So I went to investigate.


These are the terms that Sociotwat classed as RACIAL:

Facebook Ruins Job Interview

Freaking hilarious. And yes, I do count myself lucky to be gainfully employed, especially considering I am a Social Media Guru Professional.


Facebook Ruins Job Interview from Wiseguy Pictures on Vimeo.


You can vote for this video in the People's Choice section of the Webby Awards for best writing here.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television


This Onion article reminded me of my intense hatred for people who don't have televisions. In my book they're on par with people who use the phrase "close personal friend," women who breastfeed their children until mid-primary school, paedophiles and folks who claim to value 'authenticity.'

Enjoy:


CHAPEL HILL, NC–Area resident Jonathan Green does not own a television, a fact he repeatedly points out to friends, family, and coworkers–as well as to his mailman, neighborhood convenience-store clerks, and the man who cleans the hallways in his apartment building. 
"I, personally, would rather spend my time doing something useful than watch television," Green told a random woman Monday at the Suds 'N' Duds Laundromat, noticing the establishment's wall-mounted TV. "I don't even own one."
According to Melinda Elkins, a coworker of Green's at The Frame Job, a Chapel Hill picture-frame shop, Green steers the conversation toward television whenever possible, just so he can mention not owning one.
  

The Stars of Facebook

And I know them all...


Altoids "Curiously Strong Awards" from Marc Ritzema on Vimeo.


Swiss Miss

WANT: SHARK SOCKS!



9GAG

Favour Wrapped in Pwnage

LOLZ

This guy kindly offered to pick his neighbour up at the airport. So he made a sign to make him easy to spot...


link

thatcannot.be

Yet, here it is. I have no idea what this site is attempting to do, but I'm still pretty sure it's not doing it.

http://thatcannot.be/



That Can't Be My Next Tweet

Because it makes NO EFFING SENSE. Despite their claim:










French Bull Dawg

OMG Pinga FTW. My accurate calling of Frenchies = The New Pugs FTW.



Two Thousand FTW

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ita From The Block

Thanks Nat - my surprise fellow Ita fan!



ITA FOR PRIME MINITHTER!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday Motivational



THANKS MY FRIEND WILL ON FACEBOOK WHERE I FOUND THIS WHEN I STALKED YOUR PHOTOS FOR A BIT JUST THEN xox

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Someone's Taking Her Osteo-Ease!



Lorraine, the charmingly senile Dancing Queen has been banned from Britain's Got Talent. This is where  arguments against ageism in TV actually fail to hold any water at all.

Excellent mojo face Lorraine! YOU WAS ROBBED!

Buzzfeed

Job-Hunting Win: Eric



Young Eric here is basically the Charlie Sheen of career advancement.

TDWPreviously tagged with 'employment.'

Friday, April 15, 2011

Are You Nervous?

ARE YOU STARINK ON MY BREAST?

I bet you are. Check out this showreel from rising starlet Dorata Lopatynska de Slepowron.



haunting...

Thanks Talz.

Your Blog



I have seen the whole of the internet

Brian Cox: Wonders of the Stoner System

Ha! HA HA HA! Brian Cox, your uppance has come.

This poncey Mancunian physicist has long given me the irrits with his floppy hair, rock band past and regular BBC appearances every time CERN makes a proton or whatevs.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I don't believe in black holes. There. I said it.






Dare

Daily Llama

BOOM BOOM BOOM - WEY-HOO!



The most disturbing thing about this is that CathieMay15 thinks this is a Vengaboys song. How very dare you CathieMay??? The Outhere Brothers were a one-hit-wonder band in the 90s. The Vengaboys were a pivotal stage in pop history and defined the way a generation thought about partying, public transport and Spanish island clubbing.

What do they teach kids in schools today?

Oh wait -


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Arrabella Twat: The New Voice of the People

I shall christen you Golden Tits.



via that other bastion of conservative media: Zapruder's Other Films.

Office LOLZ



The Duty

The Dogg Vinci Code



A Public Flogging

Hanksy



Pleated-Jeans

@PatheticPaul



Days since I did this: 15 (twice - turns out I was going the right way the first time - lucky I have an iPhone...)

Twaggies

Take A Weird Break Round-Up


Op Ed URL

Hats off Kiwi journos, hats off.



http://www.3news.co.nz/SILLY-WHORE-KNOWS-NOTHING/tabid/370/articleID/206942/Default.aspx

via @crushtor

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Trace Adkins: Hot Mama




I think Country & Western is a lot like Australia's Funniest Home Video Show and the Spice Girls.

You spend years, or even decades denying you enjoy it to everyone you know including yourself. But then you realise - I don't give a fuck who judges me for it - THIS SHIT IS FUCKING EPIC. HOW COULD I NOT HAVE REALISED THIS YEARS AGO? OMG I'M SEARCHING THIS ON FACEBOOK AND LIKING ALL 61 RELATED PAGES.


via @clembastow

Meanwhile on Twitter: Stephen Colbert Pwns Right to Life D-Bag

From The State Column:

Arizona U.S. Senator Jon Kyl was the unfortunate topic of both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report Monday, with both hosts skewering the Arizona Republican over recent remarks made concerning Planned Parenthood.

“If you want an abortion you go to Planned Parent, which is well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” Mr. Kyl said during a Senate floor speech.

Following the remark, a number of news networks questioned the statement resulting in a response from Mr. Kyl’s office. 

“His remark was not intended to be a factual statement, rather to illustrate that Planned Parenthood, an organization that receives millions in taxpayer dollars, does subsidize abortions,” Mr. Kyl’s office said in a statement, to which Mr. Colbert and Mr. Stewart teed off.

“That’s unbelievable. As in it’s not true,” Mr. Colbert said. Mr. Colbert went on to offer a number of statements that were not intended to be factual.

“I would love to see that statistic checked…by anyone,” Mr. Stewart chided. “I get those numbers mixed up. Is it three percent, or is it ninety percent?”

Colbert's (@StephenAtHome) tweets:



Sunday, April 10, 2011

Interspecies Friendship: Kitteh + Dolphins

OMG you guys BBFs!

PS That awkward esky-nuzzling behaviour when the cat semi wigs out and doesn't know what to do cos it wants to keep nuzzling the dolphin but is a bit scared the dolphin may have just blown it off - that's the feline equivalent of pretending to SMS someone when you're waiting for someone at a bar.



Via TDW, previously.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Baby Got Biology

Baby Got Back, Translated By Nerds

Baby Got Buzzfeed

Super Love: Shan Jiang


Amazing artist.

Tim Minchin's Storm: The Animated Short

Tim Minchin's beat poetry narration of meeting that chick at a dinner party set to awesome animation.

And of course, when Tim Minchin meets that chick, he doesn't bite his tongue and then bitch about it later or send a vaguely vexed tweet from the toilet or angrily string together a weak character attack loosely cloaked in an argument for reason in the face of 'spirituality.' He fucking owns the bitch and makes it fucking rhyme.



The High Definite

Friday, April 8, 2011

Gang Fight: FUN FUN FUN



How an inadequate deaf person may construe Rebecca Black's Friday, by the excellent BadLipReading on YouTube, via The Daily Llama.

Breaking Bishop News

A rather badly worded newspaper headline (via @mandypandy32)

@mandypandy32 via Two Thousand

WANT: Sax Dragon vs Keytar Dragon





Two Thousand

Hipster Wishes

Candy Chang is an artist with a dream, a dream to give hipsters a voice and a sticky, rectangular platform on which to whinge about the lack of affordable organic produce in their inner suburban neighbourhoods.

Candy has already prepared for phase two of the project, I Wish This Wasn't, which will give the hipsters a chance to vent their frustrations about the soulless bourgeois gentrification of their suburbs immediately after their original wishes are granted.

Deep.

The Pony salutes you Candy.




Swagger McWaiting On DNA Test Results Might Be A More Prudent Option



Hu$tler

Interspecies Guilt-Off: Guilty Dog vs Guilty Cat

Shame on you. Shame on you both. I'm not even angry, just disappointed. Although maybe a little scared for Guilty Cat who actually looks in fear of its life.



Popbitch Tit-Bit*: Twin Peaks Tavern


The Twin Peaks Tav is still going strong and participates in an annual San Fran Xmas event called Santarchy which looks pretty much like the best fucking Christmas ever:



NO EFFING WAY: But If It's In The Guardian It Must Be True



Found at The Awl, The Guardian

Saturday Catchup: the Last Week and a Half Of Interwebz


I'm sorry internet - please forgive me. No, I don't hate you! Of course I miss you! I know! I know my job is  affecting our relationship, that's why I've set aside some quality time for us right now. Please, talk to me. How you been? Is Rebecca Black still big? Jumped the shark you say? Hahaha - oh internet, see? This is just like old times!

Don't cry... I love you!

Colbert makes good on his bet with Jimmy Fallon to perform Friday on his show if he raised $26,000 for charity: