Thursday, February 26, 2009

FUCK YEAH SHARKS



& Michael Phelps are besties! 

Hand Soap




Literally!

Louise Robinson







Creates gorgeous, ghostly, dreamlike girls.

Ten Terrifying Historical Contraceptives


Um, wow. That dude that invented the pill FUCKING RULES! Like Jesus was awesome, Martin Luther King was epic rad, Madonna - clearly has always been amazing, but the pill guy? HE FUCKING RULES. You know what I mean?
#10.
Weasel Testicles

In the Dark Ages in Europe, things were dark for a reason, not the least of which was that, with the lights on, a typical man might wonder why his girlfriend had weasel balls strapped to her leg.

The reason is obvious to anyone with a degree in Magickery or Weasel Ballogy, as any magician at the time would tell you that the weasel balls would prevent pregnancy. Through the power of magick, you see. Yes, being a magician during the Dark Ages pretty much gave you a blank check.

We may not be magicians and our amateur dabbling in gynecology has been less than revealing, but we're pretty sure this method is aces since we don't know many men who would be able to perform sexually after seeing a pair of innocent, severed balls hanging from his mate as decoration.



Cracked.

Sea Otter Boogers





Are not boogers at all! They are candied black beans. 

Which sounds worse? ;p

Popbitch Friday Funnies



An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the
priest, 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 
70 years, many children and grandchildren. Yesterday, 
I picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to 
a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?"
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.' 
********************
Q: What do you call a tellytubby who has been burgled?
A: A tubby.

Popbitch.

Um, ROUGH!



Thanks for the heads up, Mindi. Ew.

Interspecies Friendship: The Boy & The Capybara



OMG CUUUTE! This kid is in the Xingu River in Brazil. How cute is that capybara?? It looks just like a little pony! 

The capybara is the largest rodent in the world and I officially want one.

Thanks Old Gregg for the interspecies friendship heads up!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I LIKE TURTLES


Umiricun Gothuc



The Conchords, re-imagined...

Buzzfeed.

My Dad is a Fob


BINGO! THAT’S IT!

February 24, 2009 

My parents jumped on the “Costco bandwagon” this year and are going almost every week. So I get a call from my dad…

Dad: I’m at Costco. Do you want Bingo?
Me: Bingo!? What is Bingo?
Dad: You know, those circle bread with the hole you eat for breakfast
Me: OH! You mean bagels! Not Bingo!
Dad: I don’t know…


OF MICE AND MEN

February 19, 2009 

My Dad (who doesn’t speak any English) and my boyfriend (Caucasian) have been attempting to chat online, with the help of some terrible translation websites. Suddenly, both of them simultaneously IM me.

Boyfriend:
 I’m trying to tell your dad that our friend Kelly has mice in her house and joked about borrowing our cat. I think I said it wrong…

Dad: Why is your boyfriend trying to sell me your cat?

My Dad is a Fob.

Somewhere in New York...


New York Shitty.

Interspecies Hatred: Mochi the Bunneh Owns Some Kitteh



Hee hee. Epic feline FAIL. 

Flipper Heels



Are AMAZING!!!!!!! Almost enough to get me back into the pool!

Disco Lights Hat


Is where the party's at brooooooooooooo!

Can I get a WOOP WOOP!?!?

PS Check out poor man's main guy out of American Pie up in here!

Jennifer Springman







Paints interesting girls with big heads.

Angler Fish Necklace



Is amazing!!

Made by Miss Mary Louise (Flickr).

OMG! Obeezy Hates Kittehs!?



Hee hee.

Accordion Guy.

Great Ebay Sales Pitch



Thanks Brendy for the heads up :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Walkies



LOL. B3ta.

FAIL Sticker



Oh. My. God.

This is what the world needs! You know, when it's 4:00am and you've covered your passed-out mate in Sharpie renditions of cock-and-balls? What is missing? A massive FAIL sticker on her/his face!

YES! Buy it here!

Really?


Viral Nerd.

Twelve Alien Encounters


Another great Mental Floss list. And it isn't nutters alone who see UFOs apparently. There are two American presidents on the list! (Although one is Reagan, so...)

7. David Bowie, which should come as no surprise to anyone. And we’re not talking one sighting – we’re talking many, many sightings that he and his friends spotted when they were growing up in Bromley, England. “They came over so regularly we could time them,” he once said. “Sometimes they stood still, other times they moved so fast it was hard to keep a steady eye on them.”


12. John Lennon said he was once standing at the window in his apartment at the Dakota when he saw something oval-shaped flying slowly through the air; he claimed it eventually disappeared behind the United Nations Building and hypothesized that it was doing research. He called the police to report what he had seen and they told him that he wasn’t the first to call in about it. Since he was interviewing John Lennon, after all, the interviewer asked him if drugs or alcohol had been involved prior to the incident. “No, God’s honest truth,” Lennon said. “I only do that at weekends or when I see Harry Nilsson.”

M.A.C. Hello Kitty Ad




Brings teh weird!

Awesome 80s Swatch Watch Poneh




Unicornucopia has made this super duper awesome Swatch Watch custom My Little Pony!!! Um,  yes!!! 

I wish I had hair like that! *looks into investing in crimping iron*

Solveig: EPIC RAD BITCH


Solveig is a ten-year-old graffiti artist from Brighton, UK. She began painting in public after being inspired by local graf and asking her dad to get her some paint and take her out to find a free wall. 


The lady herself.


'Scare Cuts'



Yes, she designs tats.


AND INKS THEM HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!

Snacks And Shit


Haters rejoice! This 
blog takes small snippets of rap lyrics out of context and pays the shit out of them. No doubt the people who write it would not be nearly so clever if they actually ran into Dre or LL Cool J or Ja Rule in a dark nightclub.

Well, maybe not Ja Rule. Unless Ashanti was there. She would beat them down!


"Never let me slip, 'cause if I slip then I'm slippin'."
- Dr. Dre, Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang

If someone came to me and said, "Don't let me get drunk tonight, because if I get drunk, then I'm going to be drunk..." My response would be, "Are you drunk?"

Filed under: redundant, probably slippin'


"Nobody likes me. But that's okay. 'Cause I don't like y'all anyway. And I don't like y'all anyway."
- 50 Cent, Life's On The Line

1) This is the most defensive thing you can say and I'm pretty sure you can scientifically prove it.
2) The last sentence doesn't add anything new so there's no reason to say "and" in front of it.
3) Also it's kind of what Kermit sings about most of the time too, which makes it not gangster at all.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Post Secret Mother Load







It's a particularly fecund week for secrets!

Warm and Scary



Just the kind of thing I want to snuggle up with in the woods!

This amazing sleepwear creation was dreamed up by Eiko Ishizawa. Check it at Animal New York.

Farewell Conan


I love Conan O'Brien. A bit more than Leno and a bit less than Letterman. But I love him and I'll miss him now he's going.

Esquire has a little homage to Mr C and a few of his greatest moments. Check out Mr T and Conan checking out Fall Foliage Day:


But Esquire missed Conan's absolute piece de resistance and one of the funniest things I've seen on telly EVER! (Bearing in mind I saw it late at night and had never heard the term 'camel toe' before.) CAMEL TOE ANNIE!!!!:


Extreme Radness Envy: Couples Edition



Cobra Snake.