the other day, i was asking my dad if i could go out and here’s the convo:
me: can i go out with my friends?
dad: foshizzle. it’s now free enterprise because we have black president now.
So we were on our way to a Chinese New Year party, and this was the convo we had.
Dad: I’m a B.I.P, we come early so we park in their garage.
Me and my sister: B.I.P?? You mean V.I.P?
Dad: No ! I’m B.I.P ! Berry Important Person, you know what I’m saying !
Dad: I fixed the garage door opener today.
Me: I thought you hired someone to fix it.
Dad: I fixed it with money.
Last year, my family went to the wedding of a family friend who was marrying into a Caucasian family.
In the car on the way up:
Dad: What’s Helen’s husband’s name?
Me: The groom? Chase.
Me: No, Chaaaase.
Me: uh… better.
Later, during the reception, the groom’s younger brother walks by our table:
Dad: What’s Chese’s brother’s name?
Dad: What? SA-LA?! What’s with this family? One son called Cheese and the other Salad!