& Michael Phelps are besties!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the
priest, 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of
70 years, many children and grandchildren. Yesterday,
I picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to
a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?"
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
Q: What do you call a tellytubby who has been burgled?A: A tubby.
OMG CUUUTE! This kid is in the Xingu River in Brazil. How cute is that capybara?? It looks just like a little pony!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
My parents jumped on the “Costco bandwagon” this year and are going almost every week. So I get a call from my dad…
Dad: I’m at Costco. Do you want Bingo?
Me: Bingo!? What is Bingo?
Dad: You know, those circle bread with the hole you eat for breakfast
Me: OH! You mean bagels! Not Bingo!
Dad: I don’t know…
My Dad (who doesn’t speak any English) and my boyfriend (Caucasian) have been attempting to chat online, with the help of some terrible translation websites. Suddenly, both of them simultaneously IM me.
Boyfriend: I’m trying to tell your dad that our friend Kelly has mice in her house and joked about borrowing our cat. I think I said it wrong…
Dad: Why is your boyfriend trying to sell me your cat?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Solveig is a ten-year-old graffiti artist from Brighton, UK. She began painting in public after being inspired by local graf and asking her dad to get her some paint and take her out to find a free wall.
Haters rejoice! This blog takes small snippets of rap lyrics out of context and pays the shit out of them. No doubt the people who write it would not be nearly so clever if they actually ran into Dre or LL Cool J or Ja Rule in a dark nightclub.
If someone came to me and said, "Don't let me get drunk tonight, because if I get drunk, then I'm going to be drunk..." My response would be, "Are you drunk?"
- 50 Cent, Life's On The Line
1) This is the most defensive thing you can say and I'm pretty sure you can scientifically prove it.
2) The last sentence doesn't add anything new so there's no reason to say "and" in front of it.
3) Also it's kind of what Kermit sings about most of the time too, which makes it not gangster at all.