Sunday, November 30, 2008
"Venezuelans are among the world’s most creative namers. In fact, according to their own government, they’re too creative. In September 2007, after hearing about babies named Superman and Batman, state authorities urged parents to pick their names from an approved list of 100 common Spanish monikers. Those conventional names (such as Juanita and Miguel) quickly acquired a patrician ring, ironically giving rise to more novel names, like Hochiminh (after the Vietnamese guerilla) and Eisenhower (after the president). There are also at least 60 Venezuelans with the first name Hitler.
2. ECLIPSE GLASSES
In June 2001, a total solar eclipse was about to cross southern Africa. To prepare, the Zimbabwean and Zambian media began a massive astronomy education campaign focused on warning people not to stare at the Sun. Apparently, the campaign worked. The locals took a real liking to the vocabulary, and today, the birth registries are filled with names like Eclipse Glasses Banda, Totality Zhou, and Annular Mchombo.
When Napoleon seized the Netherlands in 1810, he demanded that all Dutchmen take last names, just as the French had done decades prior. Problem was, the Dutch had lived full and happy lives with single names, so they took absurd surnames in a show of spirited defiance. These included Naaktgeboren (born naked), Spring int Veld (jump in the field), and Piest (pisses). Unfortunately for their descendants, Napoleon’s last-name trend stuck, and all of these remain perfectly normal Dutch names today.
4. VLADIMIR ASHKENAZY
The people of Iceland take their names very seriously. The country permits no one—not even immigrants—to take or keep foreign surnames. So what happened when esteemed Russian maestro Vladimir Ashkenazy asked to become an Icelandic citizen? Well, the government finally decided to make an exception. Vladimir Ashkenazy is now on the short list of approved Icelandic names.
Imam Husayn ibn Ali is one of the holiest figures in the Shi’ite Muslim faith. In the 7th century CE, he lost his head on the orders of the Sunni caliph, Yazid, and the decapitation initiated the biggest schism in Islamic history. While the name Yazid remains common among Sunnis, it is disdained throughout the Shi’a world. The stigma attached to it is equivalent to naming one’s son Stalin or Hitler. Speaking of which…
Memories of death camps and fascism have kept parents from christening their kids Adolf for quite some time. But one unlucky youngster acquired the name in 1949. He was the son of William Patrick Hitler—the dictator’s nephew, who moved to America in the 1930s to fight against his uncle. It isn’t clear why William preserved the name, but his four sons (including Alexander Adolf Hitler, now 57) made a pact to never have children in an effort to stunt der Fuehrer’s family tree at its branches."
"STONY BROOK, NY—In a dramatic reversal of decades-old medical wisdom, the late Dr. Albert Rossum, director of the O'Bannon Institute For Postmortem Nutritional Studies, recommended an all-brain diet for zombies Tuesday.
Dr. Albert Rossum (1940-1991) announces the findings.
"Our research indicates that live human brains are not merely the cornerstone of a healthy diet; they are, in fact, the only food an active adult zombie should consume at all," Rossum said during a press conference at the institute, located at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. "A daily three-pound serving of brains supplies all the vital sugars, neurons, and ganglia essential to promoting zombie fitness and slowing the decomposition process."
The Rossum Plan challenges the traditional zombie food pyramid, which consists of five to seven daily servings of human hearts, three to four servings of livers or eyeballs, and two servings of brains. Instead, Rossum advocates a four-level pyramid, with all four levels consisting of as many servings of brains as possible.
"Ideally, the brains should be consumed fresh from the head of the victim," said Rossum, widely considered the nation's leading expert in the field of undead nutrition. "However, precious scraps of brain may also be pried from the fingers of other brain-crazed zombies. Failing that, dropped brains may be slurped from the ground by a third party to such a scuffle."
Added Rossum: "Braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnns!""
From The Onion.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Some git has translated the good book!
"THERE was this geezer who had leprosy (some dodgy skin disease), and he came to Jesus, fell on his biscuits and said, "If you want to, please make me clean."
Jesus felt really sorry for the geezer. He stretched out his Ramsgate and touched the geezer, Jesus said, "Be clean."
Well would you Adam and Eve it, the disease left the geezer immediately and he was clean.
Jesus then said quite seriously to him as he sent him on his way, "Now don't tell anyone about this, will ya? Go straight to the priest and he'll check you out, and then make sure you offer up a little sacrifice that Moses rabbit and porked about and that'll prove to all the prople that you're clean.
But the geezer was so happy, he started to tell people everywhere what had happened. In fact, he rabbit and porked about it so much that Jesus couldn't go into town publicly. He 'ad to stay out in the country, and people came to see him from all over the place."
Q. What does a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness
have in common?
A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to
watch your arse if you get a dodgy one.
Popbitch's favourite scientist from the University
of Geneva: Professor Beat Imhof.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
"BlahblahFish takes your English text and translates it into another language, then translates it back into English. The results can be pretty strange. I used the phrase “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Japanese: It heats heart truly and [re] physical weakness does.
Italian: The spirit is arranged, but the meat is weak person.
Greek: The spirit is willing, but the flesh is impossible.
Spanish: The alcohol is prepared, but the meat is weak.
Korean: The spirit puts out the flag and does, the flesh omits but.
Chinese: Having more desire than energy.
Croatian: sprite had like to , limit meat had withered.
Hungarian: THE genius there is willing , but the meat there is weak.
Norwegian: Breath am willing , but carnal am breakable ,.
Romanian: the spirit is William , but the. flesh is loose.
Serbian: The genius 3. wis with IT BE from present compliant , but the meat 3. wis with IT BE from present withered.
Slovenian: wind there is yieldly , till then meat there is weak.
Welsh: ‘ group ghost he is being willing , except ‘ group meat he is being ‘ heartburn weak.
Latin: ghost is voluntary , nothwithstanding viscera is pale."