Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Dangers of Facebook

Facebook pitfalls. They've pretty much all happened to the best of us. I must admit I am a massive offender... 

*The sheer joy at seeing people who got fat.

*The sheer horror at seeing all your contemporaries who are bald.

*The internal battle that ensues when you get a friend request from someone you didn’t really know in high school/would rather have not ever heard from again.

*Fluffers! Old lost friends you haven’t seen in a really long time that you’re genuinely excited about until you see how fucking lame they have become. Like real life fluffers, they get you excited, but don’t deliver.

Then there are the Facebook Sins:

*Photo assault. Someone tagging you in an unflattering picture. Yes, you look hot. I look like a bus just ran over my face.

*The constant need to update one’s status with uninteresting details. “Jake had a dream about football.” “Val thinks burritos are yummy. LOL.”

*Afterglow friends. Friends you accepted during your Facebook honeymoon phase, before you knew how to filter or deny friend requests, who are now always poking and gifting and asking you to join groups.

General grievances:
*Parents who join Facebook. Your parents.

*Sexy posing drunk pics. Will this ever get end? As long as there are digital cameras and alcohol on this planet, no.
People who use pictures of their babies as their profile picture.


*Same goes for wedding pictures.We get it, someone digs you enough to ram it in you.

*When your news feed shows you a comment from one person you don’t care about commenting on another person you don’t care about’s baby.

*Having the self control to NOT change your status to read: “Jenn thinks your baby is ugly.”

*When trying to join a group or download an application and having to jump through ten pages of hoops before actually getting to said game or group and eventually just fucking giving up.

*Facebook holding tank. People you have neither accepted or denied as friends but have been staring at you for months.

I’m still in this thing for the long haul. Because being found by that long lost 9th grade friend who once taught you how to make bongs out of fruit and is now a corporate lawyer is worth having to endure status updates from someone’s mom on their way to Target."

Public School Intelligentsia.

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